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New Leaf’s 2018 Resolutions for those embarking on the journey through the divorce process:
With litigation attorneys being so costly, more and more couples are turning to mediation to settle their divorce. Using New Leaf’s structured divorce mediation process, our trained mediators will help you to focus on the relevant issues and separate out the emotion from the process.
Getting a divorce is never easy so it can be difficult to find the strength you need to make that first call. While the process can be painful our team of lawyers, therapists and accountants will lessen the emotional impact and stress of a divorce. If you are making the choice to sever your marriage in 2018, here are some resolutions you need to make.
Don’t Waiver – Make a final decision and follow through.
Many vacillate back and forth on the decision to divorce. If it is clear that the marriage cannot be saved, make a decision and stick to it. Allowing yourself to waiver will bring more pain and force you to start the grieving process all over again. If your ex-to-be does a 180 it may be appropriate to reconsider, but unfortunately most of the time people do not change, and the past is best left in the past. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior! If you choose to divorce, there will be many times you may question your choice or feel guilt about your children, but you must keep moving forward. As a parent, your children need to be surrounded by love, not toxicity and contention. As hard as it can be and as unsupportive as some may be of your choice, forge ahead. The rain will end and the rainbow will appear. Life after divorce does get better.
2. Commit to You
Get to know who you are and were before your marriage. Write down your life goals. What is important to you to achieve now? Is it buying a home? Making a career change? Going back to work? What makes you happy? Have you left hobbies behind due to your marriage and now perhaps you would like to revisit them? What are some things you would like to change about yourself when you consider your role in your unhappy marriage? Invest in you. It is the sole best thing you can do for your children and yourself.
3. List Your Priorities
Line up your priorities and write them down. Is it finding a home? Is it financial? Getting a job? Managing a special-needs child in the face of divorce? Jot down your most important priorities down to the small things that can wait. Having these priorities in line can help you systematically cope with the difficulties of divorce.
4. Read Up!
Knowledge is power and this is especially true in the context of divorce. Learn about the effects divorce has on children, and yes, there are positive ones as well. Read about children of divorce and what they have had to say. Try to get perspective on what your kids may potentially face. As you make the call to divorce, reach out to your child/children's favorite family members, teachers, guidance counselors, spiritual advisors, and more to create a support network for your little ones. Try to remember even when you get heated and emotional that ultimately, your children are the priority for you and your ex and they should be allowed to have a relationship with both of you.
5. Forgive Yourself and Learn From Your Experiences
What was it that made this marriage fail? Where did you go wrong? Take notes and jot down patterns in your love life to banish these bad habits and choices for good.
Most importantly, forgive yourself. The world is harsh. People comment on how terrible divorce is. Little do these people know that marriage counseling may have failed and there may have been a variety of factors leading up to your final decision. Forgive yourself for this and grow beyond. Take this moment as a moment to transform and go out into the world with a new outlook.
6. Build Your Own Network
Making the choice to divorce is hard and not everyone will be there by your side to help you, as sad as that is. Some family or friends may be more absent than you had predicted or hoped. Gather yourself tightly around those who do support you and don't be afraid to ask for help. Going through a divorce, especially with children, is tough. Know when to say you have too much on your plate. Ask for help!